Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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