You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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