We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
