it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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