Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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