My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
