Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You are the jesus of drinking
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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