I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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