Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize