I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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