DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
