I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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