How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
