If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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