He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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