i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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