I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
