Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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