found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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