i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
