I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
