Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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