I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
