a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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