PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
