Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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