At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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