my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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