Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
