last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm both gender and math confused
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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