I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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