my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
