How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
