Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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