this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Randomize
