haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
