you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
