Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
