i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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