You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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