The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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