I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
