you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
