Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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