my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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