we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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