I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize