he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
