His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
In America we eat man semen.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
