If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
is that a dick in a sweater?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
