she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
