me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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