My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
