I want to have your abortion
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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