We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
