Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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