This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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