I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
