I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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