I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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