he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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