I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
