Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize