every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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