I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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