Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
