take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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