I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
