Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
