just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
