even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
